goodbye

dear friends, i'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. i don't know what i'd to to moosemousse. might just keep it, might not. i think i might leave moosemousse and start anew. anyway, don't think i'd update here anymore. email me at julithegreat@gmail.com and let me know if you're interested to know how messed up my life is and i'll give you my new blog address. bye.

the bitch

i officially declare july 2007 the horriblest period of my life.

so much had happened already and i had to crash my dad's car this morning. don't know why, but i just had to.

and to come home to be lectured about how we could learn important life lessons from the mistakes made from driving accidents. bottom line is, one should never be too cocky in life. it is okay to take risks, but never think you're superior. well, that's what i got from the lecture during dinner.

sigh.

i still feel extremely distressed and somewhat bitter, but i'm hoping that i'd regain my old nonchalant self soon or i'd go insane. though still very much a wreck, a tiny part in my tells me that things will be alright and that i shall overcome this - only that it takes time. and it's telling me that i'm rather content despite the circumstances.

don't want to ramble on. end of story is that i still think that life's a bitch. also a few other people in this world and a couple of douche bags.

headache

ooh, my boob suddenly feels itchy. would be too obvious if i scratched it in this blinding white fluorescent-lit office. good, the itch is gone now.

had oily fried kuey teow for lunch, which made me fall asleep yet again right after at the office. then i got a headache and got away with not going into programming meeting.

but mary, i really had and still having a headache. so, i'm not lying.

should get back to work already.

here, a song that has been in my head lately.

movie script ending

i still think life is trying to play a big joke on me. either that or karma has decided to catch up and now i'm drowning in all these emotions, which is driving me totally crazy. if only my life could be just like a movie, and i could just fast forward all the rough times to get to the happy ending.

the days are pretty hard to get by, as i'm left with no real reason to live.

starting to slack off at work and though i'm sick worried of the consequences of not following up on my projects, i still find myself moping in the office and dozing off in front of the computer.

(boss, if you ever read this, what i said is not entirely true - about the moping and dozing off during office hours)

it is hard, not to have that person whom you trusted so dearly and you would confide to that person just about anything and everything anymore. it kills you inside to know that that person is still there but yet not really.

sometimes i just wish that i'd get run over by a bus or something. or blown up into many pieces. maybe even dress up in a deer suit in a forest during hunting season - to get myself shot by hunters.

maybe i should really consider getting a paintball gun and start planning my shooting rampage. i'll make headlines cause i'd only aim at the male population's scrotum and some female latinos might even get hurt along the way.

stars are blind and so are you

it's really nice to know that people do care and although i'm not a great friend who never really returns phone calls or smses, my friends whom i've not been keeping in touch with just popped out of nowhere. well, not literally.

anyway, i thank you for making it feel as if life's still worth living.

in these times of distress and confusion, i'm trying hard to lift my head up high and live my life by the day. all this frustration, anger, sorrow and bitterness is driving me crazy inside out. i smile, but it doesn't feel like i'm really smiling inside.

should really consider converting to, if not understanding buddhism a bit more. maybe i should take yoga classes, or play tennis (myself?) in the weekends or even blog about happy stuff and pretend i'm a bimbo by acting dumb all the time and listen to paris hilton.

i am now on a quest. don't want to be bitter no more.

this will be my pursuit of happyness.

touché

and this is another song which is being played over and over again on my ipod at the moment.

maybe this would be my song of the year.

choux pastry heart

here's a song dedicated to myself.

it's so beautifully sad.